SIBLINGS

My sentiment about my younger brother, who is celebrating his 19th birthday today Sunday, January31.

In my 20 and a half years of existence, I've embodied several roles as an individual. I've been a daughter to my parents, a student to my teachers, a friend to my colleagues, and a citizen of this nation. Yet there is one role which I'm doubtful of and I think I never was — being a sister to Biboy.

I and my younger brother are on the exact opposite poles and we perfectly depict this characteristics. He claims to be the smarter one and I, err, the opposite of it. On the other hand, I am the hardworking, responsible one while he is the irresponsible and lazy type. I am the positive and he is the negative, or vice-versa. I always feel like there's a huge, insurmountable barrier separating us. We are two parallel lines who can never meet at the same point, or at the same plane.

Our household frequently trembles when we are in a much-heated argument which at times even leads to physical assaults. We quarrel like dogs and cats or even worse. There were times when it felt like the World War III was imminent in which I'll make sure I'll emerge the victorious. We throw stinging words at each other (I prefer this one because physical contact could be deadly) and at the peak of my extreme abhorrence and fury, I could see in his eyes a devil mocking me. I'm pretty sure though that he sees the same thing.

Also, it's funny to note that I, most of the time, am the one who gets bullied. It's because the war would wage on forever if I wouldn't stop — he's someone who always wants to have the last to say.

Truth to be told, I'm getting tired of it. Sometimes, I just want to place earmuffs and be at peace. Or even keep my mouth shut forever. I even thought it would have been better if both of us never existed.

At the peak of this dispute, I always tell myself I've had enough, I'd never talk to him again, I'd ignore him completely, that I'd never forgive him, and that we're better off like this way. But you know what, I end up talking to him still, forgetting the rage within my heart which unnoticeably subsides totally. Our hearts automatically give way for their own comfort after which humility would surface.

I am two years older than my brother but it always feels like it's the other way around, if not, we're of the same age.

I am two years older than him, but my conscience tells me I've never been the best, not even good, sister that I should be.

I am two years older than him, but I never receive the respect I thought I deserve. Have I realized that I, too never gave the respect and love my brother deserves in the first place. Truly, respect is something not to be imposed; it must be earned.

Too many times, my mother served as the mediator between our fights and too many times she did tell me that I, being the older one, being the one who should understand things better, should take the initiative to give way. My mother was right. But then, that's a privilege that I don't want to abused, and a fatal excuse that tells me I'm wrong all the time.

Ironically speaking, those who are the only children want to have their own siblings while those who already have their own brothers ans sisters, fret about the myriad and endless dilemmas their siblings cause. But certainly, there are a lot of things to be thankful for our siblings who are with us through thick and thin.

I and Biboy have our own minor similarities; we have major differences. But deep inside our hearts, I know there is an invisible thread that links us together, that no barrier can ever prevail.

I would like to believe that those petty fights even mold and strengthen the bond that we have. I know that one day, both of us will just look back at those funny memories that pulled us through.

I love my brother and I know somewhere in his heart, he loves me too.

My conscience tells me I've never been the best sister I should be. I know I never was. But now I'm trying to be one. Later on, I'm sure I will be.